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Tarot Jokes

It's a Living....

Bad News...

Girlfriend...

Tarot Lightbulb Joke

Tea's Tarot Joke

Major Arcana Road Joke

It's a Living...

Q: What's the difference between a pizza and a tarot reader?

A: A pizza can feed a family of four.

Bad News...

Debbie visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the tarot cards laid out before her, the tarot reader delivered the bad news:

"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt - prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, Jennifer stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself.

She simply had to know. She met the tarot reader's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked:

"Will I get away with it?"

Girlfriend...

"I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met."

- Steven Wright

Tarot Lightbulb Joke

Q: How many Major Arcana does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: All of them:

  • The Fool has already started before anyone else is ready.

  • The Magician assembles an array of objects that might be needed , displays them to best advantage and starts discussing how to go about it.

  • The High Priestess sits in the background, knowing one thing is missing but says nothing.

  • The Empress fusses around making sure it is safe and nobody gets hurt.

  • The Emperor tells everyone he thinks it should be done right now and starts delegating responsibilities.

  • The Hierophant offers advice on the missing part after consulting with the High Priestess.

  • The Lovers umm and ahh about what wattage bulb to put in this time.

  • The Chariot charges in and starts doing it himself regardless of the others' protests.

  • Strength surreptitiously places what's needed into Chariot's hands and gets it done her way.

  • The Hermit suggests a candle in a lamp would provide light in the meantime.

  • The Wheel of Fortune laughs and reminds everyone that the light will need changing again in the future.

  • Justice works out whose turn it is to change the light and whether the division of labour is being delegated fairly.

  • The Hanged Man sits back and contemplates how darkness can change our lives.

  • Death points out mournfully that this was bound to happen and how everything ends.

  • Temperance tells Death to chill out, it all evens up in the end.

  • The Devil tries to blame the Hanged Man for causing the light to blow and creates bad feelings all round.

  • The Tower suddenly starts ripping out the original light fitting so he can create a whole new more basic look.

  • The Star marvels at new beginnings and says how much she's looking forward to having the light working again.

  • The Moon continually offers conflicting advice, confusing everyone until he wanders off to the relief of all.

  • The Sun wants to redesign the whole room around a much brighter light.

  • Judgement examines the globe to see whether it truly was its time to blow and ponders whether the globe can be recycled.

  • The World suggests that any problems with the light are temporary: we had light once, we will have it again, and suggests focussing on the bigger picture.
Meanwhile, the Fool has already finished changing the light bulb and is off doing his own thing.

© 1999 Serena Powers
If you are copying this tarot lightbulb joke please include copyright credit and a link to my website at www.serenapowers.com Thank you!

Tea's Tarot Joke

Three majors walk into a dark and crowded bar: The Hierophant, the Magician and the Fool. They sat down at a table and Temperance served them a pitcher of Mai Tais while a tipsy Empress greeted each one with a big hug and kiss. The fool couldn't help but notice a robed woman seated in the corner. In front of her was a large dark brown box inside a glowing sphere of white light which was hovering above the table.

"What's that!?" declared the Fool in wonder.

"That," said the Devil at the end of the bar as he lit another cigarette, "that is addictive."

The three Majors decided to go and get a closer look. The woman introduced herself simply as the High Priestess. The Magician noticed that the box had a door on top which was closed and mentioned it to his friends.

"What's inside?" asked the Hierophant.

"LIFE." replied the High Priestess.

"What is LIFE?" the Magician queried.

"Oh," sighed the Star wistfully, "it's anything you want it to be."

"I like that," said the Fool.

The Magician looked at the surface of the table in front of the High Priestess and saw 78 cards spread out. Before he could open his mouth, the Priestess said "KEYS."

"Ahhhh," deduced the Magician, "these keys open the way to life. I wonder how it works!"

"Be careful," warned the Moon, "Things aren't always how they appear."

"I'll unlock the box!" declared the Hierophant.

The Hierophant moved the Magician out of the way and sat down at the table across from the Priestess. "These keys," began the Hierophant, "are tools and instruments of my faith. If I arrange them according to my beliefs, I will certainly unlock it."

"Yes!" cried Strength, "Belief will surely do it!!"

"I like that." said the Fool.

So, the Hierophant began arranging the cards according to his beliefs and slowly began to build a tower around the sphere of light, positive in the feeling that it would act as a conductor, focusing the energies of his faith, and that power would unlock the box. It took him some time to pick and arrange just the right cards and after 3 hours he finally placed the last card.

Boom!! There was a loud, thunderous crash and a flash of light. The card tower exploded and all the cards fell to the ground.

The Magician laughed and moved the Hierophant out of the way to take his place.
"These keys," began the Magician, "are tools and instruments of my thoughts. If I arrange them according to the systems I have worked out in my head, I will certainly unlock it."

"Yes!" cried the Emperor, "A systematic order will surely do it!"

"I like that." said the Fool.

So, the Magician began arranging the cards according to his ideas in three little piles, positive in his reasoning that if he juggled the correct combination around the sphere it would focus the energies of his thoughts and that would unlock the box. It took him some time to pick and arrange just the right cards and after 3 hours he finally placed the last card and began to juggle them in figure 8's.

Boom!! There was a loud thunderous crash and flash of light. The card configuration exploded and all the cards fell to the ground.

The Magician shook his head and stood up leaving a space for someone else to try.

The Fool stepped forward and picked up all the cards.

"I like these." said the Fool and he put them in his backpack.

The Fool then leaned forward, reached out, opened the lid to the box and fell in.

The Magician and the Hierophant stared at each other in astonishment and then looked back at the High Priestess.

She smiled and said, "I never said it was locked."

© 2000 Tea Prentice
TarotL Discussion Group

Major Arcana Road Joke...


How did the Fool cross the road?
        Walking softly and carrying a big stick.

Why did the Fool cross the road?
         To get that yappy little dog off his heels.

Why did the Magician cross the road?
        To manifest his desires into reality.

How did the Magician cross the road?
        Backwards, to deliberately obscure his crossing.

How did the High Priestess cross the road?
        She didn't, she knew it wasn't her time to cross the road.

How did the Empress cross the road?
        With her heart in her hands.

Why did the Empress cross the road?
        Well, someone had to do it!

How did the Emperor cross the road?
        He's too uptight to cross the road and besides this is
        HIS side of the road.(see "The Testrophobical Thing")

Why did the Emperor cross the road?
        They have cable.

Why did the Emperor cross the road to Canada?
        They have cable, beer and Hockey Night in Canada.

Why did the Emperor cross the road?
        The Empress took the converter.

Why did the Emperor and the Hierophant cross the road?
        To avoid treatment for advanced testosterone poisoning (aka 
        Male Bonding).

How did the Heirophant cross the road?
        At the crosswalk.

Why did the Heirophant cross the road?
        He saw a sign.

How did the Lovers cross the road?
        It was their choice.

Why did the Lovers cross the road?
        They had to come out to forage for food sometime.

How did the Chariot cross the road?
        0-90 in .5

Why did the Chariot cross the road?
        He was looking for Resolution.

Why did the Chariot cross the road?
        He was tired of pushing the river.

Why did Strength cross the road?
        She was attracted to someone for their needs. Therefore,
        crossing the road was one thing, staying across the road would be
        another.

How did Strength cross the road?
        Stapled to a Leo.

Why did the Hermit cross the road?
        He couldn't cross the road 'til he found one.

How did the Hermit cross the road?
        He couldn't find one so he made one.

Where did the Hermit cross the road?
        At the light.

How did the Wheel cross the road?
        The Wheel doesn't cross the road, it goes rollin' on the      
        river. 
     
How did Justice cross the road?
        Without the blindfold.

How did the Hanged Man cross the road?
        He bungee jumped off the Tower. (Not recommended)

Why did Death cross the road?
        To check his road kill stats. (See the Fool)

Why did Death and the Fool cross the road?
        To go where brilliant dreams are born.

How did Death cross the road?
        In a Ford Explorer with Bridgestone tires.

How did Temperance cross the road?
        He can't cross the road 'til he gets both feet on the
        pavement.

Why did Temperance cross the road?
        To cross or not to cross? Now that is the question.

How did Temperance cross the road?
        Showing wise patience.

Why did the Devil cross the road?
        He was emotionally bound to road crossing.

Why did the Devil cross the road?
        To meet Robert Johnson at the Crossroads.

How did the Devil cross the road?
        In a Saturn.

How did the Tower cross the road?
        On stepping stones made from ruined plans.

Why did the Star cross the road?
        To get to the point of convergence.

How did the Star cross the road?
        In a Toyota.

How did the Moon cross the road?
        On little snow white feet.

Why did the Moon cross the road?
        To stand at the edge of the Abyss. 

Why did the Moon cross the road?
        She was sick and tired of stumbling around like a wild woman
        on those moonlit paths. Wild women stumble but they never fall.

How did the Sun cross the road?
        In a Blazer.

Why did the Sun cross the road?
        To go east, where things begin.
    
Why did Judgement cross the road?
        To go where all is well.

How did Judgement cross the road?
        With all the cards on the table.

How did the World cross the road?
        With you standing on top of it!!!!

© Cheryl Lynne Bradley 2001-2, cannot be reproduced without author's consent.
http://www.tarotcanada.ca

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